Understanding Grief

I gave a speech last night at the Red Lotus Art Gallery in Muskegon, Michigan. It's an area that I've been working on for most of my life now, "Understanding Grief".


Here are three places that you can watch the speech:

Most of the world
Youtube: https://youtu.be/1tLiUixlwTk

Russia and a few other places
VK: https://vk.com/jeffreyalexandermartin?w=wall472297941_300

China
Weibo: https://www.weibo.com/tv/v/HvTy1o4TN?fid=1034:4375974192590271

I'm working on becoming better at communicating the concepts that I've originated in this area. The process necessary to reach a new understanding in a subject for yourself is different than the process necessary to communicate those same ideas to someone else.

I talked about grief in my series of philosophy essays titled "The Most Important Question in Philosophy". It was well received. I wrote an article titled "Aphorisms on Grief, Suicide, and Meaning in Life". It was not well received, specifically because of the aphorisms on grief. I was surprised by that, to say the least. But, it just means that I have to work on my communication around the subject. That's why I gave the speech. I've been doing public speaking for longer than I've been writing, and it's different. I thought that it might help me to feel out what people were and were not connecting with.

People liked the speech, I think it was quite powerful for many people. The conversations that I had with people afterward were insightful. In the future I plan on expanding on the subject. The philosophy concept that I've termed "Jeff's Zipper" is important to understand how our perception of time works in relation to possibility, actuality, and eternity. Hopefully, at some point in the future it will come together in a way that is strong enough to change the trajectory of people's lives.

Here are some of the notes that I originally wrote for this article.

- - - - - - -

The process of living is valuing. To move forward in life we must predict the future to meet needs, wants, and values. That’s why we have memories in the first place, so that we can do better in the future. Since we are valuing things in the future, if those things disappear we must reorient ourselves in our new reality, this is the process of grief. It’s a normal and necessary part of living a human life.

loss feels like it's oriented to the past, it isn't
oriented on the future from the moment of the awareness of the loss
your past future once time elapses

grief is a process, the process of reorienting yourself in the world with a different expected future

you're not really mourning the person, you can't take away their existence, you can't take away the past, you're mourning your false expectations, the future that never was, the loss of possibility when it collapsed into actuality, the desired future was lost, the undesired future was realized

loss
what have you lost?
you feel like you've lost a person
but the past is eternal
you've lost your imagined future with them

why does grief seem to never go away for some people?
rewriting future life narrative, encounters with reminders, parts that haven't been adjusted to the new reality

fear of forgetting someone

involuntary memory popping into consciousness, something that you haven't learned the lesson from enough to properly adjust for your future behavioral patterns, nervous system saying attend to this

- - - - - - -

That's a lot. I don't mind talking about grief, but it's not something that falls into the fun hobby category either. It's just an important subject that I've been able to create original and useful concepts around.

Here are some of the related articles:

The Most Important Question in Philosophy - Part 1 of ?
http://www.jeffreyalexandermartin.com/2017/10/the-most-important-question-in.html

An Interesting Note on Suicide from Viktor Frankl
http://www.jeffreyalexandermartin.com/2019/01/an-interesting-note-on-suicide-from.html

Jeff's Zipper
http://www.jeffreyalexandermartin.com/2019/04/jeffs-zipper.html

Aphorisms on Grief, Suicide, and Meaning in Life
http://www.jeffreyalexandermartin.com/2019/04/aphorisms-on-grief-suicide-and-meaning.html

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You can find more of what I'm doing at http://www.JeffreyAlexanderMartin.com

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