"Kinderello" By Jenny (aka Carrie), with some help from Jeff

 "Kinderello" has been finished. I helped, but perhaps less than one might think. At the least, the story itself is entirely not mine. The full story, as it stands, is below. As an aside, Jenny noticed that the name Jenny is very common and another girl in her class was using the name as well, so she now uses Carrie at times, I still call her Jenny. Let me know what you think of the story.



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Once upon a time there was a boy named Kinderello. He lived happily with his mom and dad. Every weekend he played water polo with his father and his father taught him a lot.

Once, Kinderello went to school. His father and mother went to work. Suddenly there was a car driving very quickly and nearly hurt his mom. So his dad pulled her with his whole weight and his mom was okay, but his dad was crushed by the car. His mom took him to the hospital, but it was no use. His father can never play water polo with Kinderello again.

Later his mom married another man, he was very rich and he had two sons who were really bad. His mom went to work in another country, so she would leave home for a long time. During this time the two brothers always asked Kinderello to do housework and clean their pool.

Kinderello was so sad and he missed his dad very much. So he walked to the pool and said "Dad, what should I do to stop this? Can I play water polo again?" Then he cried.

The next day he saw a notice that a coach would make a water polo team. The coach would choose the team by having a match. Kinderello and his two brothers saw it, all of them wanted to join it. His two brothers knew that and they didn't want him to join. So they told their dad. And his dad agreed, so Kinderello couldn't join it.

Kinderello was very sad. He went out of the room and to the swimming pool. He said to it again "I can't imagine why dad won't allow me join the match. If my dad was here everything would be good." Suddenly a strong wind came and Kinderello fell down. Then, when the wind stopped there was a water polo ball in the pool and there was writing on it - "Just follow your heart, join the match. We will help you."

Kinderello was surprised and happy so he went to the house and did the housework quickly. The next day when he wanted to go to the match his two brothers and dad asked him to do housework, to do a lot of housework, so that he couldn't come to the match. And then they went to the match.

Kinderello thought "I won't be able to join it." So he did the housework as quickly as possible. But there was still too much housework so he was disappointed. Suddenly the birds flew through his house and helped him to do the housework. At this time he thought of the words yesterday, "We will help you."

So Kinderello ran fast to the swimming pool, but he didn't have the clothes to join the match. Then a woman came to ask him "Would you like to join the match?"

"Of course, but I don't have clothes," he said.

"I will help you, but you must go back when the match is finished." Then she said some words and after that Kinderello was wearing the clothes. But when he wanted to thank her the woman had disappeared.

He couldn't think anymore and joined the match immediately. Finally he won the match and the coach wanted him to join their team. But Kinderello had to go back home so he walked on the bench and put on his shoes quickly, but there were so many people that wanted to celebrate with him that he just wore one shoe and left the other shoes there.

Indeed, the magic had disappeared, she had restored his old clothes. The coach found Kinderello's shoe so he went from door to door to find out who left this shoe. When he came into Kinderello's house the two brothers couldn't wear the shoe because the shoe was too small for them. So their dad asked the coach to leave, but the coach saw Kinderello and said to him "Just try it."

Kinderello put on the shoe and it fit. So the coach was very happy and Kinderello joined his team. The coach saw this, then he said to the two brothers "You and you will be our teams waterboys."

After everything his mom came back and learned all of this. She was happy that Kinderello joined the team, and lived with Kinderello happily. Three years later Kinderello was a famous player and everyone in the country knew him. And there won't be anyone teasing him.

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It has been an interesting exercise, I've learned a lot. I'm not sure if we are going to do another revision or not. I will leave that decision up to Jenny.

In other news... Parker and I have discontinued working on the Pokemon story for now. One of the keys with writing is that we can review the language objectively and start building the neural networks in the brain that make the correct decisions about things like grammar. We've seen a lot of progress in that direction, but for now Parker is tired of it. He didn't so much say that, but his attention has been wandering. I should have made him cut the story short, we could have been done with it by now, but I was too enthralled with the way he was going on. There may be a time that we come back to it, hopefully. But, until then, we are reading other stories together.


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I've written two fictional pieces that I like so far.


"The City of Peace" - A future history science fiction utopia/dystopia action adventure in a framed story of a father telling his son a story about the child's grandfather.

http://www.jeffreyalexandermartin.com/2017/08/the-xprize-writing-contest-part-5-of-5.html

"The Birth of Hanniba'al" - A dark, somewhat alternative, historical origin story for the Carthage General Hannibal.

http://www.jeffreyalexandermartin.com/2017/11/write-michigan-short-story-contest-part_30.html


Here are three of my most popular posts.


"The Making of a Great First Line in Fiction"

http://www.jeffreyalexandermartin.com/2017/12/the-making-of-great-first-line-in.html

"A Letter to My Niece in 2034"

http://www.jeffreyalexandermartin.com/2017/12/a-letter-to-my-niece-in-2034.html

"The Most Important Question in Philosophy - Part 4 of 4"

http://www.jeffreyalexandermartin.com/2017/11/the-most-important-question-in.html


You can find more of what I'm doing here: http://www.JeffreyAlexanderMartin.com

You can support this page at https://www.patreon.com/JeffreyAlexanderMartin

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